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Author Interview with Jenny Friedman
Jenny received her Ph.D. from Northwestern University, and has spent nearly 20 years volunteering with her own family. She lives with her husband and their three children in Minneapolis. What made you decide to write a book about volunteering specifically aimed towards busy families? Today's families are overwhelmed and scattered, with school, work, sports and a thousand chores. Certainly nobody is looking for an additional item for their to-do list! Yet from experience I know how powerful family volunteering can be — for families, for kids and for communities. I also know that people can weave it into their lives more easily than they imagine. Ironically, being busy is actually one of the best reasons to volunteer together. It provides an oasis of meaningful time for family members to come together to express shared values, make a difference in their community and have fun with one another. What could be more rewarding? Yet when my children and I were looking for volunteer opportunities, I realized there were few resources out there to assist families who wanted to spend time together serving others. I wrote the book, and then founded the organization Doing Good Together to fill that need. Have you gotten feedback from families who have used your book? Do they now find it easier to volunteer together? Yes, I receive comments from the book and also from those who attend our workshops. Most commonly people are surprised to learn that family volunteering doesn't have to be overwhelming or terribly time-consuming. They find that their family can take on small projects that yield big rewards in terms of both what it brings to family members and what it brings to the community. They realize that it's OK to spend just a few hours a month or even just a few hours a year volunteering, if that's the time they have. Suddenly, community service seems doable, not something they'll do later, when the kids grow up and they have extra time on their hands. Another common reaction is that there are so many possibilities for contributing to the community. Families get excited about trying something they may not have considered before – such as simply sitting down with their kids to compose a letter to their state representative about school funding, or throwing a party to raise money for Hurricane Katrina victims, or working together at a local community theater. The possibilities are endless. How does your family find the time to volunteer together? What are your family's favorite ways to volunteer? My family has been volunteering together for almost 20 years, ever since my oldest daughter, who is now 22, was a preschooler. We've been involved in both long-term and one-time volunteer projects, from hosting a foreign student to delivering meals to the homebound. Sometimes we'd all work together, while other times only two or three family members would be involved, depending on our schedules. Two of our volunteer projects had a particularly significant impact on our family. For many years, we cooked and served a meal – along with three other families — at a local homeless shelter. My children learned so much from interacting with the guests, that they have become extraordinarily accepting of people's differences. Also, for the past four years, our family has mentored two girls whose family struggles with poverty and homelessness. We spend time with the girls hiking, baking, going to movies, swimming and just hanging out. Being with these children and getting to know their family has been fun, rewarding and eye-opening for all of us. What do you think is the greatest benefit of volunteering with a family? I think family service is so powerful because it has multiple layers of benefits. It strengthens families through improved communication and time together, and meets critical community needs by encouraging philanthropy in both children and adults. But the most significant benefit, I think, is what it teaches children — kindness, compassion, teamwork, tolerance, community responsibility, good citizenship — I could go on and on. According to a recent survey, an overriding concern of today's parents is the negative cultural messages that constantly bombard their children and the challenge of raising kids of good character. Family volunteering is a powerful response to those concerns, because it teaches values in a hands-on way, and within the context of the family , the environment where we learn the values that stay with us for a lifetime. What kinds of differences have you noticed between children from volunteering families and children whose families don't volunteer? There are no absolutes when it comes to raising kids. Children can grow up to be responsible, caring people even in the most dysfunctional families, and sometimes, despite all our best efforts as parents, our kids struggle. But families who volunteer together repeatedly tell me that spending time in service with their children has had a profound and positive impact. And research bears this out. We know that kids who volunteer and whose parents volunteer grow up to be the most generous adults in giving both time and money to their communities. Studies indicate that when children “practice” caring through volunteer work, they become more mindful of another's needs, feel empowered to make a difference and are more helpful in other areas of their lives. Parents also report that volunteering together sparks meaningful conversations with their children about issues that matter, drawing families closer. Now that your children are older, do they still express an interest in volunteering? Do you think they'll grow up to be the kinds of adults who volunteer frequently? My children do volunteer — and most likely they will continue to do so. But creating lifetime volunteers was never my reason for engaging our family in service. I simply saw it as a way to teach my children the most important of life's lessons — to be sensitive to social issues, to always think deeply about the common good and to understand that the world is a better place when we care for one another. What is your advice for a parent trying to encourage his or her unmotivated family to volunteer? It's best not to force volunteering (in which case it really can't be termed voluntary), but there is plenty we can do to encourage hesitant family members, kids in particular, to get excited about service. First, read and talk about social issues, caring and kindness together. (For a list of resources for children of different ages, visit the Doing Good Together website (www.doinggoodtogether.org) and click on “Resources.”) These activities help get everyone thinking about making a difference in the community. When you're ready to commit to a project, involve everyone in the decision. Think about each family member's interests, talents and personalities. Children will be much more engaged if their input is considered. If kids have specific hesitancies or concerns, acknowledge and address them. Remember, too, that all of us feel good about doing good (some term it a “helper's high”), and children are no exception. Appeal to their sense of compassion and empathy (“Making a get-well card for this child would sure brighten her day. Wouldn't it make you feel good if you were so sick?”) And let them know when they've made a difference in someone's life with their good deed. Make the volunteer experience fun. Invite friends to take part, partner with other families, go out for ice cream afterward, or make a scrapbook of your experiences. Try to be encouraging rather than critical of your children's efforts. If you are still getting resistance, select a project that family members can get involved with at their own comfort level. For example, our family sponsors a low-income family through the Box Project (www.boxproject.org). We correspond with our sister family and send a box once each month. My children participate any way they choose, whether it's shopping for items, packing the boxes, or writing the letters. You might also suggest a one-time event (like a walk for charity or serving a meal at Thanksgiving) to see how it goes before committing to something larger. Most important, show enthusiasm yourself — it's contagious! FamilyCares thanks Jenny Friedman for sharing her time with us and for helping to inspire families across the world to volunteer in their communities. This interview was conducted by e-mail in October 2005. |
After writing more than 100 articles for parenting magazines nationwide, author Jenny Friedman took her knowledge about family service and condensed it into The Busy Family's Guide to Volunteering. Aimed towards families who want to volunteer but can't seem to find the time, Jenny's book is an extensive list of resources, sample projects and ideas to help time-pressed families find a way to contribute to their communities together.